i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
