i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
