I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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