I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
