Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you had me at cake vodka
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
