She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I look better un-naked...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
