hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
