oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
