The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
