i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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