I CAN MOONWALK!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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