Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
