I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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