I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
