So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Vodka?
Forever.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
