He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
