Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
