I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The air was thick with penises
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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