The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
