Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
