We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize