how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
