i can't believe i had my finger in that
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
