she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
