So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
