we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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