Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
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New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
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So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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