god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
ok first of all what the fuck
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
