If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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