Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
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