Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
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He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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