somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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