u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
