When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
