There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
