I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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