Duck Duck Cougar?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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