she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
