Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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