i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize