I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
