i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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