Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
