When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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