He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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