Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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