Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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