How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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