My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
