He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
