I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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