At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
