We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
