I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
