chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
