I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
