if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
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He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
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It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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