Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
