so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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