last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
