I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
