dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize