Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
