he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
