What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
