Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
