i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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