I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
only if we run a train.
done.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
