youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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