So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This baby is an asshole
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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