The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
