I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
