Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
