I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
