What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
