she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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