I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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