So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
