we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
