Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
