I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Is Oprah even human
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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