i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
