and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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