I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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