He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
