The maid of honor just puked.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
