I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
