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we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
