Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
