When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
