a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
